Satisfaction
No. 37
Last published note -
“Real prosperity is a stream of consciousness, unbuckled by any sort of self-loathing thought or activity. Getting to know yourself is not some final point you reach after checking metaphorical boxes of certain achievements… like a flower blooming, our inner processing is a slow walk of nature’s ritual in tune with each season. When these moments come, and good thinking arises, it is important that you listen to it like music… Before the phone rings, or an email is opened. We try to escape reality, but really, we allow it to leave us.”
Latest food -
Wash rice and cook desired amount - I bring it to a boil with a bit of olive oil and salt, reduce heat to low and cover for ten minutes. Slice and wash one leek into bite sized pieces. Slice thin one whole lemon. Cook down lemon and leek together in a hot pan with olive oil and a tablespoon of butter until tender, fragrant, and translucent / caramelized. Add three beaten eggs and season with salt and pepper. Plate rice and scramble and top with lots of parm, freshly cracked pepper, and olive oil. I added avocado. This is so perfect for a cold day.
1 leek chopped into bite sized pieces 5 carrots diced 5 celery ribs sliced into bite sized pieces 1 red onion diced Few cloves garlic chopped or minced 6 oz tomato paste 30 oz crushed tomatoes Parmesan rind 32 oz veg or broth of choice + more to thin 1 package nice pasta 3 can northern beans drained and rinsed Tons of fresh oregano and thyme Salt, fresh cracked pepper, and paprika to taste
Add leeks, celery, carrot, and onion (add garlic halfway through cooking) to a large pot and sweat down in olive oil until translucent. Add tomato paste, crushed tomatoes, broth, and mix. Add beans, parm rind, pasta and seasonings, combine thoroughly, stirring as you cook. Cover and cook over low to medium heat. Thin with water or more broth, and season to taste. Serve hot, with olive oil and freshly grated parm.
Thinly sliced pear cooked in a tablespoon of butter, a bit of olive oil, brown sugar, and a pinch salt. Sauté until you have tender caramelized ribbons. Scoop vanilla or chocolate ice cream over pears and top with toasted hazelnuts (or my hazelnut topping), and a drizzle of olive oil.
Hazelnut topping: In a small bowl, combine 1 heaping cup hazelnuts chopped, 1/4 c brown sugar packed, 1/4 c maple syrup, 1 egg, and 1/2 tablesp room temperature butter. Mix. Place onto a parchment lined pan and bake at 350 for 20 minutes.
Cabbage, whole cooked lemon, tuna, parm.
Cut one head cabbage into quarters and slice very thin. Add desired amount to a big bowl and add one whole cooked lemon, sautéed in nice olive oil until tender and slightly browned or caramelized. The less you cook the lemon, the more bitter it will be. I love the juicy bright bite! Add one can nice tuna, lots of Parmesan cheese, salt, freshly cracked pepper, and olive oil and balsamic vinegar until salad is properly dressed to your liking.
Satisfaction -
I didn’t take one cold shower all summer, but ironically the urge returned once the temperature hit fifteen. The hardest part about my three minute freezing well water chilling shower within minutes of waking, is that my feet get cold. The refreshing wake up though, is indescribable, and for my sober self, thrillingly addicting. I love the tingly redness on my skin, the tightness I feel on my face, the ritual; press the button on the coffee machine, brush teeth, set timer, turn on the water, undress, get in, get out, bundle up, reach for my ready pot of coffee, sit in my favorite corner of the couch with one specific living room light on, play classical music from my laptop, sip a perfect cup of hot coffee, and read or write.
The cosmetic list is short. I stopped getting manicures and pedicures years ago, I don’t color my hair and enjoy the growing silver, and I don’t get regular massages, although I’d like to sometimes… I do this. It works and it’s nice. As time goes, it becomes so obvious that when you lean into those things, that work and are nice, you are guaranteed a special happiness. It is called, satisfaction.
Ironically, for someone being so disinterested in these kinds of maintenances, I tanned religiously during my sophomore year of college when I worked at a TAN CO, in Columbia, Missouri. Someone had gotten my roommate Alyssa and me a job, and of course it was sort of obligatory to fit the part. I sold myself on the mental benefits too after learning that some people go tanning for anxiety and depression. I had both of those things, but I just did it because the more orange I became, the better I looked in scarce clothing in winter, or so I thought. We were required to hit certain numbers every month by selling the ridiculously scented and manufactured lotions, which I
