Enough talk about the new year… time does not serve us in the ways we think it does. It exists, and we must choose how to spend whatever is left, without knowing how much we are given. Reinvention comes from decisions, habits, and ownership… just steps… and they do not wait for specific dates for you to walk them. You go, or you stay.
Don’t set goals, have ideas.
And make sure that each day you do something in pursuit of that intuition.
My only published note last week -
“Devotion, gratitude, and positivity are the seedlings of fulfillment. What is prosperous is chosen, not given.”
Heaven -
I have been to heaven before. I was just there last night. “Can you lay down flat?” He says every time. Little meaty hands feel out my face in the dark, and Rowan tucks the hair behind my ears, sweeping it gently off my forehead. I doze a bit for seconds, what felt like thirty minutes. Off to Maddox’s bed next. He nuzzles his face into my neck “I love you,” he tells me, with raspy pneumonia, and covers me with his blanket. Isaac’s turn now, I lay down on the edge, “here, face this way,” he whispers scooting back. Bedtime was a disaster, each boy stubborn just before sleep. The calm breeze after weathered waters. I have been to heaven before. I was just there last night.
Spirit -
A recent encounter with death has left me with yet another reminder of spirit; I lost an uncle to cancer, a dad to alcohol, another uncle and friend to suicide, and I have a cousin out there still, her body snatched by heroin. All of these people, come to memory only as themselves. It is their soul, loveliness, beauty, touch, voice, warmth, and playfulness we treasure, not the figure. I watched all of that leave the dog yesterday, across from the glass jar of Hershey’s “goodbye kisses.”
Favorite quote lately -
“Give yourself and your family the gifts of a vital and vibrant mum. Workout everyday. Solid phone boundaries. Read before bed. Pray. Eat like a woman and not a bird.” -Peta Kelly
A cake -
Coffee Molasses Squares 1/2 cup room temperature butter 3/4 cup brown sugar (packed) 2 eggs 1/2 cup molasses 1/2 cup coffee 3 teasp baking soda Pinch salt Splash vanilla (optional) 2 cups flour In a bowl, combine butter and sugar well. Add eggs and mix. Pour in coffee and molasses. Mix. Dissolve in soda. Add salt, vanilla, and flour. Transfer to a 9x13 inch pan and bake in a 350 degree oven for 25 minutes, or until toothpick/fork comes out clean. Coffee Frosting 1/2 cup butter room temperature 2 and 1/4 cups powdered sugar 3 heaping teaspoons coffee 3 heaping teaspoons cream or milk In a small bowl combine butter and one cup powdered sugar. Add coffee and milk and gradually add remaining sugar. Video linked here. Big thanks to my mom for the pan and emotional support on the phone (this cake took me five bakes!). And to Audrey, behind @redcurrentbakery, who was so kind to advise me on fine tuning ingredient measurements for this. Her work is stunning and delectable... the boys love flipping through her book (which we also found at our local library!!!). I feel so lucky to be encouraged and helped by a woman I find so talented.
Another poem -
Stories
We look like bodies,
but we are stories.
Who was good
or foul to us
score the pages
of our chapters.
And we walk around
trying to love
one another
and ourselves.
Stories 
Many thanks to all of you for any amount of time taken to read or view what I share. The gratitude is endless.