Broken Record

Sometimes I Know No. 10

Last published notes -

“When you are young, you push yourself for the wrong reasons - working out to look good, partying to fit in, buying things you believe will solve problems. Your view of how life operates, is not capable of such understanding. 
When you reach true advancement, you propel with able limbs - consistency to be strong, ritual to feel peace, effort to provide what is actually necessary. Your view of how life operates, is a reflection of who you become.”

“We are preoccupied. We get bored at red lights. Sit side by side, staring at separate screens. We hesitate on the phone, waiting for our mouths to catch up with our ears while our eyes wander. We scroll to check the “latest,” thirty seconds later. We clear all apps and tabs, to immediately reopen again. “Refresh.”

A quote I loved -

“Endlessly consuming dark news and takedowns and, basically, the majority of things that gain traction online… absolutely distorts our view of humanity. It makes us scared, suspect, and cruel. It self-propagates. I’m intentionally ingesting old books, wisdom teachers, poetry, sweet stories. If the world isn’t good right now, at least I can be.” - Jedidiah Jenkins

Repeat -

I feel repetitive with a lot of what I write about; seasons, mothering, parenthood, growth. But we must remind ourselves that really anything we do, is for us first. It is me, I am the one needing the nudge, encouragements, stories of self-triumphs and failures. We talk within, the most.

The addict cannot get clean for someone else. A true artist does not create for an audience. And an athlete will not preform, without the fierce internal craving to win.

Broken record -

I don’t want to say “so far” as if there is going to be more, but so far this winter, everyone has gotten sick. Each boy rotated Flu A the week we were snowed in, Maddox had pneumonia and viral bronchitis back to back, Rowan got Flu B, and I have somehow dodged them all, without the slightest symptom of any… while those listed above coughed into my face and vomited into my hands. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I do believe that how I orchestrate care for myself, is a testament to avoiding illness.

Here are a few things I am dedicated to doing everyday, that in my entire existence, have proven their strength, vitality, capability, focus.

No alcohol. I will be one year sober on April 4th. Not that anything awful was happening, but nothing great from having it was either. A life of absolute cleanliness is grand, bright, comforting, inspiring, wonderfully explosive. I hope everyone gets a chance to experience abstaining, for any amount of time - I’ve yet to hear a non-uplifting story from anyone choosing to do so… and your body will thank you for it. To be in complete control outside of the unknown is as powerful as you can be.